*Note that this article is written from the viewpoint of grief after a death loss; however, grief can occur after many life events that do not involve the passing of a person. Such as a job loss, relationship ending, pet loss, or change in life stage (ie: retirement, empty nest).
Unfortunately, our North American, individualistic culture still doesn’t do a great job of acknowledging the impact of grief on an individual’s life.
Many times when someone passes away, there is a celebration of life or funeral service to honour the deceased. Unfortunately, the implicit message is that once the service is done, then it’s time to move on. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Many people don’t start experiencing the impact of grief until many months after the service is complete.
Grief is a unique, personal experience that cannot be described in sequential stages. Many factors impact our experience with grief; our relationship with the person, our age and personality, any previous experiences of grief or trauma history, our social support and felt sense of safety, and the norms dictated by our family and culture. Additionally, some grief goes unrecognized or is stigmatized, which can increase our sense of isolation.
A person can experience a wide spectrum of emotions during grief, which are all part of the normal grieving process. These include anxiety, anger, relief, numbness, trouble concentrating, and memory issues.
It’s important to have a safe other to share about your grief experience. Talking about your loved in a way that feels manageable helps with the grieving process. Unfortunately, many grievers have been on the receiving end of invalidating, dismissing, or unhelpful messages. Many times, this is done with the best of intention; however, for the griever, it is important to feel heard and accepted in your grief journey. Otherwise, the feelings of isolation that accompany grief are exacerbated. Whether that’s with a family member, friend, support group, or counsellor, it is important that you feel supported.
The ebb and flow of grief can become less intense over time. Know that if your experience feels unpredictable and ‘does not make sense’, this makes absolute sense. There is no one way through, and the timeline is different for everyone. Rather, it is important to find acceptance, and even compassion for yourself as you navigate the grief journey.